Social-Psychology: It's True: All the Taken Men are Best.

[FlyingDutchman]

It's true: All the Taken Men are Best

New Scientist: August 2009 by Andy Coghlan

Women: do you have a man? If you do, better beware. Chances are that some lone female has her eye on him.

A new study provides evidence for what many have long suspected: that single women are much keener on pursuing a man who's already taken than a singleton.

"The single women really, really liked the guy when he was taken," says Melissa Burkley of Oklahoma State University in Stillwater, who conducted the "mate-poaching" study with her colleague Jessica Parker.

They asked 184 heterosexual students at the university to participate in a study on sexual attraction and told the volunteers that a computer program would match them with an ideal partner. Half the participants were single and half attached, with equal numbers of men and women in each group.

Meet Mr Right

Unknown to the participants, everyone was offered a fictitious candidate partner who had been tailored to match their interests exactly. The photograph of "Mr Right" was the same for all women participants, as was that of the ideal women presented to the men. Half the participants were told their ideal mate was single, and the other half that he or she was already in a romantic relationship.

"Everything was the same across all participants, except whether their ideal mate was already attached or not," says Burkley.

The most striking result was in the responses of single women. Offered a single man, 59 per cent were interested in pursuing a relationship. But when he was attached, 90 per cent said they were up for the chase.

Men were keenest on pursuing new mates, but weren't bothered whether their target was already attached or not. Attached women showed least interest and were slightly more drawn to single men.

Stamp of approval

Burkley and Parker speculate that single women may be more drawn to attached men because they've already been "pre-screened" by other women and found to be satisfactory as a mate, whereas single men are more of an unknown quantity.

Burkely said that similar mate-poaching strategies have been reported in birds and fish. But previous studies of people had only asked whether participants found other potential partners attractive, so she designed hers to specifically probe whether participants would pursue a relationship.

"The next question is why," says Burkley. So in further studies, she plans to further explore women's motives for pursuing "taken" partners. Apart from the explanation of "pre-screening", another possibility, she says, is that in US society, women are socialised to be competitive, so they derive self-esteem by mate poaching from rival women.

Other researchers say the study provides interesting insights into mate poaching. "It tells us something about the role of social desirability in mate preference," says Fhionna Moore of the University of Abertay Dundee, UK, whose own research has shown that richer women are more choosy about mates.

Journal reference: Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, DOI: 10.1016/j.jesp.2009.04.022

[BellygirlUK]

Interesting FD! and not as common-sense-seeming as some reports might be.

I can think of many reasons to suggest for women preferring taken men to single men.

Hmm well I know that most women start out thinking they'd never want to be with another woman's man or take another woman's man but then a man in a relationship has so much going for him that a certain type of woman will find it difficult to resist.

A man in a relationship has the skills needed to be in a relationship. He is used to being with a woman, being around a woman, making decisions together, etc. Plus he's a challenge, like a gay man is. Some women like that. Also he's something that belongs to another woman. Some women have either been spoilt as children and want whatever someone else has , whereas some have been deprived of certain things as children or felt sidelined, and now they've learned to use feminine wiles and manipulation techniques they're going to make up for that by taking what someone else has. Some women think they'll be 'safe' with a taken man, that they will be able to have a casual relationship with someone who already belongs to someone else and not have to 'endure' the restrictions of living together or other practical aspects... then they realise that they do want these things and will try to make themselves more desirable than the man's current partner. I'm too tired to think up any more stuff now.

(ps I can think of even more reasons why women would want *my* man!

Though I *would* have to decapitate and cube any woman who tried (though it would be in vain hehe) to steal him. [shrug] [chuckles])

[FlyingDutchman]

Originally Posted by BellygirlUK

A man in a relationship has the skills needed to be in a relationship. He is used to being with a woman, being around a woman, making decisions together, etc.

Of the articles I have read (and personal experience.....hehe), this is the key to it all. A man in a relationship, already knows what is expected.

Originally Posted by BellygirlUK

Though I *would* have to decapitate and cube any woman who tried (though it would be in vain hehe) to steal him. [shrug] [chuckles])

You are serious business( decapitate & cube?). Once you cube the woman, how big are the cubes? Do you dispose of them by feeding the fish in the ocean? But then again, if DR is confident there is no need for all the blood and gore.

[TWiST]

Originally Posted by FlyingDutchman

Once you cube the woman, how big are the cubes? Do you dispose of them by feeding the fish in the ocean?

In my mind's eye they were stock cube size. Just saying.
XxX

[FlyingDutchman]

Thank you Twist.......LMAO.....

[Satyr9]

"mate poaching"?

Makes me feel like a bull elephant trampling the brush to avoid being taken down by a pack of horny pygmies after my IVORY.

[TWiST]

Hadn't really thought about the issue... but it does make sense, I suppose. I guess women are very competitive... in a different way to the meatheaded masculine 'I've-got-the-biggest-knob" competitiveness. Women do seem to suffer from jealousy a hell of a lot more than men, I think.

Plus forbidden fruit is always the sweetest.
XxX

[gemchampion]

The most action/attention I ever received from the oposite gender was when I was with a woman. Celebrating my brithday party in public last year, I brought a date with me -- a societal drop-dead-gorgeous date. People looked at this woman, all of 5' 1" and 125 lbs., as my own personal gold star. The men drooled and tried to slip their numbers to her on the sly. That, I expected.

What I didn't expect were my women co-workers' responses. Some ignored me out of jealousy. Others, raved about the attention my date gave me the whole night. One of them, who didn't have anything to say to me that was of note, was practically hitting on me the whole night.

I hate to say this - but from the other womens' standpoint? I much rather be single. And I truly believe it's more than just 'he's in a relationship' which makes a guy more appealing. Many of these women assume, "He fucks on a regular basis." "He makes a good enough living. Otherwise that bitch wouldn't want to be with him." "I bet when he gets a whiff of this cookie, he'd want to leave the ho and come to me." Introduce a man who's single (like I've been for a lengthy period of time)? "Oh, that muthafucka's gay!" I've heard women talk like this when I'm around them. That's scary - and when I say 'games,' that's part of the dynamic which makes me sick when it comes to dating, in general. It truly is a meat market out here!

[Human_Torch]

Originally Posted by gemchampion

I hate to say this - but from the other womens' standpoint? I much rather be single. And I truly believe it's more than just 'he's in a relationship' which makes a guy more appealing. Many of these women assume, "He fucks on a regular basis." "He makes a good enough living. Otherwise that bitch wouldn't want to be with him." "I bet when he gets a whiff of this cookie, he'd want to leave the ho and come to me." Introduce a man who's single (like I've been for a lengthy period of time)? "Oh, that muthafucka's gay!" I've heard women talk like this when I'm around them. That's scary - and when I say 'games,' that's part of the dynamic which makes me sick when it comes to dating, in general. It truly is a meat market out here!

This is very, very true brother. Sort of sad, isn't it?

[BellygirlUK]

Originally Posted by FlyingDutchman

You are serious business( decapitate & cube?). Once you cube the woman, how big are the cubes? Do you dispose of them by feeding the fish in the ocean? But then again, if DR is confident there is no need for all the blood and gore.

One-inch cubes, roughly. No, they go to that autopsy doctor bloke for him to put back together on channel 4, live. And I *know* DR wouldn't succumb to any silliness so my cubing skills will stay unpractised xx

Originally Posted by TWiST

In my mind's eye they were stock cube size. Just saying.
XxX

A little bigger, TWiST. See above. xx

Originally Posted by TWiST

Hadn't really thought about the issue... but it does make sense, I suppose. I guess women are very competitive... in a different way to the meatheaded masculine 'I've-got-the-biggest-knob" competitiveness. Women do seem to suffer from jealousy a hell of a lot more than men, I think.

Plus forbidden fruit is always the sweetest.
XxX

Personally, I'm never a grass-is-always-greener or forbidden-fruit-is-sweeter person.

I deserve the best. I choose the best. I get the best. I have the best. I'm *with* the best.

I'm not competitive because I don't need to be; I'm just naturally (and through trying hard to do my best ) going to achieve what I want in life and I don't need to shit on anyone else to get my fulfillment or achieve my goals or to be with my lovely man, etc. xx

[orockabettyo]

Interesting. I think this is something I've heard casually before but never seen proof of. I haven't experienced it first hand or felt inclined to participate in that sort of behavior. It honestly seems like more work to me and I would much rather have someone who isn't caught up on someone else. Also, wouldn't it take destroying that other relationship to build your own? That would just take a utilization of "catty" skills I simply haven't cultivated. I'll take the path of least resistance, thank you.
If I were somehow to reduce my desires to a more animalistic sense and were seeking to procreate for the continuation of my genes and this was my dominate goal, I could see sharpening my claws and "poaching" a mate. Thank goodness I'm not driven by those urges.

[FlyingDutchman]

Originally Posted by BellygirlUK

I deserve the best. I choose the best. I get the best. I have the best. I'm *with* the best.

I'm not competitive because I don't need to be; I'm just naturally (and through trying hard to do my best ) going to achieve what I want in life and I don't need to shit on anyone else to get my fulfillment or achieve my goals or to be with my lovely man, etc. x

Very well said. You deserve the best and I with you on that one.

[blubberboobs]

A couple of years ago I bought my gf a HUGE stuffed dog with a pink bow, and a giant bouquet of pink heart balloons for valentines day, all of which I had to take to her house on the train.

I got more female attention in that one half hour then the entire rest of my life put together, one woman even started trying to grab me and stroke my hand as she was asking me where I got the balloons from.

Don't know what that proves, if anything

[BBWLynzee]

Sadly, I have seen this a lot... not just in my own experiences, but with a lot of others as well. ((Including my own father... his new wife was my mother's best friend for 25 years)) I really feel that some women feel that getting a man is like a contest. And if they can snag a taken man, even better. I feel these women are insecure, and feel if they can steal a man from anther woman, it makes her feel "prettier, hotter, sexier" than the other woman. They think of it as a game, and I have never been one to play games with people's emotions.

It makes me sad really, because it has made me not trust most women. Even though, deep down I know my man would never cheat on me or leave me... I used to have that side of me that gets jealous and doesn't want my man to fall under some other girl's "spell". These feelings have slowly been subsiding, as my love and bond with my man grows stronger... I know nothing could ever break us apart. Not even some hoochie!

[Sexy Devil]

Originally Posted by blubberboobs

......

Don't know what that proves, if anything

That proves everything.

[Human_Torch]

Originally Posted by blubberboobs

A couple of years ago I bought my gf a HUGE stuffed dog with a pink bow, and a giant bouquet of pink heart balloons for valentines day, all of which I had to take to her house on the train.

I got more female attention in that one half hour then the entire rest of my life put together, one woman even started trying to grab me and stroke my hand as she was asking me where I got the balloons from.

Don't know what that proves, if anything

LOL Once I was buying roses (not on V-Day) and was standing in line at the grocery store when some older woman in front of my gave me a look and said "If yr gonna buy a girl roses like that, you can go first!" and let me in front of her and her massive cart LMAO

[FlyingDutchman]

So far from the comments of people, the Title of the article is correct.